6 Truths He Didn't Want To Say
by J. L. Collins
Summary: Jacob lists his truths, but doesn't really tell Bella. He'll never know what she would've said, if he would've told her. Based after Breaking Dawn. Jacob-sadness dealing with the loss of his BFF.


6 Truths He Didn't Want To Say.

A/N: Just so it makes some sense- these are truths that Jacob doesn't want to admit to Bella, after she's changed. Follows the path of Breaking Dawn. The italisized words are what Bella _would've_ said, if Jacob had told her these things. Hope that makes a little more sense! Sad but...probably true.

Truth One:

Your face is all wrong now.

It's all angles and shimmer-surfaces. It's metallic and edgy.

The sun's light catches it, then throws prizms all over the damn place.

It's not soft anymore.

It's not flushed-looking when I tell you I think you're still the most beautiful...even if your face is not the same.

If your old self could see your new self, back then...well, you'd probably still want to go through with it, though.

I used to have better vision than you.

_But _my_ vision is clearer and I see you. You are the most beautiful. You stand out in the sea of pale-skin and cold touch...._

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Truth Two:

I still think of the days in the garage.

They feel like they happened decades ago, when in reality, it was only seven or eight months ago...

The metal tabs that we popped off of our soda cans are still scattered across the ground.

I remember your favorite drink was the off-brand root beer. You loved how it fizzed up and always tickled your nose.

And one time, you had grease smeared on your cheeks and nose all day, but I didn't bother to tell you because it looked right on you.

You looked like you belonged there, watching alongside of me. With me.

My mechanical skills used to impress you.

_I secretly watched the way your muscles contracted tight, then loose, when you would use that socket-wrench thing. _

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Truth Three:

Deep down, I still wish Edward would've never came back.

I can tell you that at this point, had he not come back, we would've shared even more amazing memories together. Maybe even some firsts.

You wouldn't be a married teenager. You wouldn't be a teenage-mother. You wouldn't be dead and you wouldn't be hard as stone.

We would've taken care of Victoria then and there, leaving you and I to grow up together, friends or lovers. Either one would've been fine.

There could've been dates, or maybe it would've stayed the same between us. Either way, I'd still have you. Alive and warm.

I watched you on your wedding day as you walked down the aisle to him. I think I could've probably handled it as long as he didn't turn you.

I used to be all the air needed to sustain you.

_I still don't know which life I would've chosen if I could go back and do it all over again. And a part of me wishes the same as you. Always._

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Truth Four:

I hate the fact that I wasn't able to control who I loved, in the end.

I know that I'm supposed to worship the ground at your daughter's feet and she is a great kid. But she's not you. You're not even you.

I don't know if being an alpha gives me more control over myself or not, but I do still see you. I do still look at you like I used to.

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you and I'll prove this time and again if I have to. You want me to love her and be a big happy family. So I do.

I put on the fake 'Jake is so happy with his life revolving around Renesmee,' mask. I thought you'd at least see through it. I guess not.

The day I said I'd never imprint is one of the most clearest times in my memories to date. The irony of it is not lost on me.

I'm now used to lying about being happy, to protect you.

_Lies. Everything in my life is full of lies. I'm jealous that I lost your love to her. I'm jealous she loves you as much as I do. I'm jealous of my own daughter._

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Truth Five:

I'm glad you didn't die in the near-battle with the Volturi.

Maybe it's just because I suddenly decided to be selfish; but if you would've died, I'm not sure I could've lived. Even for her.

It's a pathetic thought because no one else was made to protect her like I am. But the thought of living without you made me think it, still.

When you kissed me in wolf-form that day, I wanted to pause the moment in time, take you home and love you for the next century or two.

You've seen past all of my scary tendencies, my flaws & my sometimes-paws. You still loved me, through all of it. You're the only one, I think.

Seth tells me that during the confrontation, I zoned out and he couldn't get through to me. You were standing in front of me, so I know why.

I love her very much, but you standing there with your maddened-looking face, made me feel protected. You protected me this time.

_I would've never been the same, if you'd died. I would've force myself to go on, sacrificing my feelings of grief, to help her deal with hers. _

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Truth Six:

I can never look you in the eyes again.

I can't ever call you Bells, honey. I can't ever hold your relatively warm hand in mine, or watch the blush creep up your neck.

I won't ever see you grin at me when I make a complete fool of myself for your benefit. I'll never make love to anyone like I would've you.

You won't ever come back and just be with me on the beach. No more riding motorcycles down the winding road.

You don't have any more pieces of yourself, for me to fix. No more mending hearts, no more pretty bracelets.

You'll never receive another gift from me. It would look wrong and I'd probably spend all of my money on her any way.

But what truth hurts the most, above all else, Bella?

_That this is how the story ends. _

_You with her and I with him. _

_No more real love in disguise as best friendship._

_No more Jacob-and-Bella. _

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